


Of Birth And Pleasure

by Fangirlyra



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Kink Meme, M/M, Mpreg, Somewhat graphic birth process
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 17:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlyra/pseuds/Fangirlyra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo is pregnant and everyone is really worried because dwarf pregnancies are hard and dangerous. So all the dwarves are stressing out and are anxious while Bilbo's relatively calm about it all, and confused by them freaking out because hobbit births usually are more...pleasurable</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Birth And Pleasure

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-ed by [Moltenreeses](http://moltenreeses.tumblr.com/).

Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thráin, son of Thrór, King Under the Mountain, leader of the company that reclaimed the Lonely Mountain from Smaug the Terrible was _pacing_. Why, do you ask, was the king pacing restlessly in front of the door of his bedchamber? That would be because Bilbo Baggins, his consort, had gone into labour around thirty minutes ago, and now he was waiting for the midwife and the wizard to arrive.

Thorin remembered when Bilbo had told him that he was with child.

"Thorin, I think I'm with child," said Bilbo simply one morning, as if he was informing Thorin that breakfast was ready.

"You’re... _what_?" Thorin was beyond surprised. He didn't even know that male hobbit could bear children, and for Mahal’s sake, they were from completely different races!

"I...I thought this will be good news..." Bilbo stuttered.

"No...no...I mean yes! Yes it is a good news of course!" He hadn't quite gotten over this surprise but nevertheless pulled Bilbo into an embrace. "I was just...surprised."

Bilbo raised an eyebrow and looked up, "Why?"

"Well, for starters, you're male."

"So? All hobbits can bear children, but only male hobbits can sire one..."

"And...I'm a dwarf?"

Bilbo huffed a laugh at that,

"Well there have been some old wives’ tales that sometimes a Took lad or lass has gone adventuring and borne a child sired by humans or elves. I didn't quite believe it before but..." Bilbo patted his belly and smiled, "It must be true."

At that Thorin felt warmth bloom from his insides, and grabbing Bilbo, planted a kiss on his husband’s forehead.

"You are a wonderful being Bilbo Baggins, and I love you very much."

Two months passed and Bilbo had grown quite big,

"Are you supposed to be this big?" Thorin asked in concern one day.

"Well if you're a hobbit then I might be expecting twins, but dwarrows are bigger than flauntlings aren’t they?"

"Well yes...but the babe is half hobbit too right?"

"In blood yes. But his build will be of his sire. I look exactly like my father except for my hair and eye colour."

Thorin felt dread blooming inside him, "So the child..."

"...won't be any different from any other dwarf. So he won't get picked on for being odd looking, not that anyone would dare to pick on _your_ child." Bilbo said cheerfully.

Thorin fell silent, for dwarves pregnancies were hard, and the labour costly. His late brother Frerin, his mother’s second-born didn't survive the labour, and his mother herself passed away when she gave birth to his sister, Dís. Dwarf women were sturdier and stronger, while hobbits were so small, so soft, and so _fragile_...

But Bilbo seemed to be in high spirits and Thorin didn't want to dampen that with sad tales, so when Bilbo shot him a worried look and asked whether everything was alright, Thorin just replied with a small _yes_ and hugged him tight.

Thorin was worried and it showed. He fretted and fused after Bilbo, and treated him like he was made of glass. At first Bilbo enjoyed the pampering, but it soon became more and more like smothering, until he couldn't take it anymore.

"Would you stop it? I might be pregnant, but I'm still a man you know!"

Thorin smiled and kissed Bilbo's pouting lips.

"I just can't help it. You have my child inside you."

Bilbo huffed and leaned onto Thorin, who automatically put a hand across Bilbo's belly protectively while stroking Bilbo's soft curls with his other hand.

"Aren't you wary...about the childbirth?"

"Well it might get overwhelming sometimes, but I've witnessed some births and I must say it seems to be the most wonderful and magical experience..."

Thorin kept stroking Bilbo's hair absent-mindedly as he remembered the look on his sister's face  when Kili was born. She was pale, her hair damp with sweat, and her face streaked with tears, but she was smiling. "My baby," she had panted breathily as she hugged Kili for the firs time. He found himself agreeing with Bilbo's opinion. It was wonderful.

Months passed and Bilbo was so big he was hardly able to move around without help. Thorin became more and more anxious, but he was not alone in his anxiety. The other dwarves fussed after Bilbo too, almost never letting Bilbo do any hard work (or light work for that matter), because most of them had lost someone due to childbirth. Even Gandalf was worried, sending word that he would be visiting Erebor in a few weeks and staying until the child was born.

One night, when Thorin jolted awake from his nightmare about labour, birth and  _blood_ , Bilbo held him close and waited until he calmed down.

"I heard about your mother...Balin told me."

"I'll be fine," Bilbo continued when Thorin didn't answer, "We hobbits made of more...flexible stuff."

Thorin pressed his ears to Bilbo's belly as he listened to the fain heartbeats.

"The babe will be big..." sighed Thorin worriedly.

"Big babes are good..." Bilbo flushed a little, for the old wives’ tales said that the lads and lasses had gone adventuring to find a human of elf to sire their child so they  _could_ gave birth to bigger babes. "I mean...its mean they are healthy right?"

Thorin nodded distractedly.

Back to the present, Thorin was still pacing when Gandalf and the midwife arrived.

"This way." Thorin led them inside the bedchamber.

Bilbo was lying on the bed, panting erratically. The midwife examined him shortly and said,

"I believe it's time to push, Master Baggins."

Thorin took Bilbo's hand in his and prepared for the worst.

"Aaaaahhhhh! Ah! AH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" wailed Bilbo as he pushed.

"You're doing good Master Baggins, just keep pushing." said the midwife soothingly.

"Oh Valar! Ngggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Bibo crushed Thorin's hand in his grip.

"Almost there, just keep breathing." said the midwife.

"Ooooooooooohhhhhhh! Oh Mahal! Aaaaaannggghhhhh! Oh  _yes!_ "

Thorin's jaw dropped. He would recognize that sound anywhere, for he had been the one causing it night after night. He shot an incredulous look at Gandalf, but Gandalf was just as baffled.

"I didn't do anything!" said Gandalf.

Bilbo was still panting, and moaning, and  _writhing_ , voice getting higher and higher in pitch. 

"Oh yes! Yes! YES!!" 

"One last push, Master Baggins." The midwife was as baffled but for Mahal’s sake, she had work to do.

Bilbo's hip buckled and his toe curled as he screamed his lungs off in pleasure as he pushed hard.

"It's a lad! ....With no umbilical cord..." said the midwife as she held the boy, red and wrinkled with a tuft of honey coloured hair,and no other oddities other than that. He even had a bellybutton!

She wiped the fluids from the boy and handed him to Thorin. Thorin held the boy gingerly, still baffled about the whole process and the lack of blood. But before he could say anything, Bilbo arched his back and moaned  _again_.

"Oh. We're not done yet it seems..." said the midwife in disbelief.

After another series of moaning, writhing, and screaming, the midwife handed the King another boy, this time with a tuft of dark hair.

Bilbo, still panting in an orgasmic haze, looked up at Thorin.

"Told you I'll be fine," He mumbled.

"Well you learn something new everyday." Gandalf said with an amused look. "It seems we are not needed any more." He ushered the midwife out, leaving Thorin and Bilbo with the newborns.

"Let me hold them." said Bilbo.

Thorin handed him the boys and Bilbo held them dearly, one in each hand.

"Do you have names?" asked Thorin.

Bilbo nodded, "I was undecided between two names but now I don't have to choose."

"You are Frerin." said Bilbo as he kissed his firstborn’s forehead.

"And you are Frodo." Bilbo kissed the younger lad.

Thorin looked at them with tears in his eyes,

"Have I told you that you are a wonderful being Bilbo Baggins, and I love you very much?"  


Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> For [this prompt](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/2235.html?thread=2365883#t2365883) on KinkMeme.
> 
> Birth scene was from [this scene from True Blood](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Q7mSNnflY).


End file.
